Let’s face it, half the fun of horror and exploitation is seeing some hot bodies frolicking around in the buff. And while I worship the female form, I believe exploitation definitely veers into the exploitive when only gorgeous women are on display while their male counterparts remain chastely buttoned up. Therefore, The Backside of Horror salutes the filmmakers and actors whom even up the score a bit by gracing us with instances of hot and juicy male flesh in their bloody celluloid fantasies.
Things I’ve done in barns: Read a stolen Playboy in a hayloft with my preteen companions, got kicked by finicky horse (or two) and…I once used one to escape from an unstoppable serial killer (or three). (Although, that last one may be just another one of my compulsive Dana Kimmell flashbacks. H-m-m-m…) But, I have never ever gotten a straw strewn lay!
Of course, in Dario Argento’s critically unsung Dracula (2012), first victim Tanja (Miriam Giovanelli) outdoes me almost immediately. Her frantic meeting with the married Milos (Christian Burruano) soon gets more than just the rooster crowing. And while Argento has traditionally filled his filmic coffers with tons of skin baring femmes (including daughter Asia, who bares all here, as well), he finally offers up a little eye candy for the feisty gals and appreciative gay dudes in the audience with this one. For, while the glorious Giovanelli definitely displays all, the handsome Burruano also shows off his well toned ham hocks, virtually guaranteeing a moment of fast forward action for (any sensitive) relatives who may being viewing this frisky lad’s Euro horror debut.
Of course, Giovanelli and Burruano soon discover terror’s traditional message that sex equals death (or undeath, as the case may be), but a fine, smooth and fleshy time is had until then!
Until the next time – SWEET love and pink GRUE, Big Gay Horror Fan